Because of Him_The Forgiveness Duo Read online

  “Excuse me,” I try to get the chief’s attention,

  “Is everything okay?” he looks at me confused. “Are you a family member?” he seems to think I’m looking for someone that lived in this apartment building.

  “I’m looking for Bennett Greene,” I worry.

  “Ma’am, if you could wait over there, he’ll be out soon,” he stutters trying to push me away.

  “You don’t understand, I’m his girlfriend, is he alright?” I panic.

  “He’ll be fine, just wait over there please,” he points towards an ambulance and walks away with a worried look. I can sense something is off, something isn’t right, and I can’t help but feel helpless and ready to run into the building myself. I’m not going to lose Bennett this way, I can’t, I won’t, I won’t survive. Easing towards the main door of the burning building, I slowly sneak by other firefighters, police officers, but as soon as I enter and can’t help the coughing, I’m caught.

  “You can’t go in there,” he says as I argue with him, “my boyfriend is inside,” I freak as he picks me up and carries me out fighting and screaming.

  “Let me go,” I wiggle.

  “You can’t run into a burning building, are you crazy?” his rude demeanor pisses me off,

  “Let me go now,” I scream even louder as I hear a crash inside the building.

  “BENNETT!” My bawling heard throughout the town. “BENNETT!”

  Loving someone unconditionally is easy when you connect on such a deep level. Loving someone endlessly, even after all the pain is a devotion to a relationship. Loving someone like Bennett was easy. He gave me strength when I no longer felt I had it. He gave me love when I long gave up on it. He gave me the power to start a new life when I felt the world falling and crumbling apart. He made me believe in myself above anyone else. He’s the reason I’m still standing. And he’s the reason I’ll continue to keep standing because he taught me to love effortlessly. Without him I wouldn’t be here now in his arms hugging him tight with the fear of losing him. He’s having a hard time breathing, but he’s here, breathing in the ambulance trying to regain every muscle he lost while lying in the fire. I nearly lost him. I don’t know if I’d have been able to handle it, I don’t know if I’d have been able to go on.

  “Why didn’t you listen to me?” he removes the mask.

  “What?” I’m surprised to see anger cross his face.

  “I told you to stay in the car, but you didn’t listen, you came out to see the fire. I didn’t want to dredge up any old memories and worry you,” the anger turns into appreciation.

  “I was worried about you, babe. I was scared to lose you.”

  “You saved my life,” he holds my hand, “I was stuck between beams and all I could think about was the regret of leaving you in the car on one of our best dates. I was mad you would have to lose me this way.”

  “I didn’t,” I squeeze his hand, “we’re right here, we’re together, that’s all that matters.”

  “You know I love you, right?”

  “More than ever,” I kiss his lips.

  “I should take you home,” I stop his attempt to get up.

  “We should take you to the hospital and get you checked out,” I remind him.

  “You can drive me there, but I’m not going without you,” he agrees.

  “I would never leave your side,” I take his hand as I lead him to the car.

  The apartment building, he nearly lost his life in is in shambles. Nothing left but dust and debris from burning embers. It’s amazing anyone has come out of it alive. There’s a dark cloud covering the bricks that have fallen to the ground and I’m grateful I didn’t lose the man I’m devoted to. We’ve only been dating less than nine months, but I couldn’t imagine my life without him. He means everything to me. The moment one of his fellow firefighters carried him out scared the shit out of me. He was coughing and hacking, but he was alive and nothing else mattered at that moment.

  After the hospital trip and receiving the green light of approval, we’ve crashed on my bed after a long wonderful, exciting, and frightening day. In six hours I’ve felt more emotions than I could in an entire week. Bennett keeps me on my toes, he makes sure every day is different and never the same, hopeful dreams and adventurous future.

  “Next time you run into a burning building to do your job, you better return in much better health, or I forbid you to continue that job,” I tease him.

  “Oh baby, you will never stop me from living my dream of saving people.”

  “You did save a lot of lives,” I agree, “but you could’ve lost yours.”

  “It’s part of the job, honey.” He is right, it is, but every day I live in fear knowing what could happen, I will never stop worrying if he’ll come home to me.

  “I could hire you, you could become a photographer for me, or you could write articles, I pay good money,” I imagine working together at the magazine.

  “I appreciate the offer, but I think I’ll stick to what I’m good at,” he kisses my forehead, “I know you worry about me, but I assure you, nothing is more important to me than coming home to you at night.”

  The following morning, I wake to the sound of Def Leppard’s “Pour some Sugar on me.” The left side of the bed is empty and I feel sad at missing sight of Bennett. Did I dream everything? Tossing back to my side debating on getting out of bed, the music becomes louder as it enters the room and I hear the words, “About time you wake up,” leave Bennett’s lips. Wide eyed I sit up as I’m shocked at his presence.

  “Why are you in your suit? Do you have to go to work?” I’m naïve and can only think of one thing to say, “Let me make you some breakfast,” but his plans were anything but breakfast in the kitchen.

  Baffled I sit up in the bed watching Bennett fully dressed in his fire fighter gear. The thought of him stripping in his suit has always turned me on; I just never thought he would actually perform for me, unknowingly. Shifting his body, he adjusts his gear and starts to dance to the beat. It looks sexy and silly at the same time. Smiling and content I watch him has he throws in the most sexual moves with the biggest seductive look he can muster – nearly making me burst into tears from laughter. Unzipping his jacket, he reveals his ravishing six-pack. He is in such great form and I noticed he lathered himself in my lotion.

  “Oh my gosh,” I giggle over the loud music.

  He tosses the helmet he was still wearing on to the bed, pulling the straps of the suspenders down with the most sexual look. Revealing his cliché white Calvin Klein underwear, I nearly die of laughter. We’ve talked about this. How amusing it is when strippers wear the white Calvin Klein’s. I’m awestruck as he shimmies his hips undressing from the pants – it’s not like they show in the movies though, he’s stumbling and shaky and definitely not someone that should ever be on stage. Teasing me to the rhythm of the song, by pulling down the hem of the underwear showing me how hard he has gotten just from dancing for me. Waving my hand for him to join me on the bed a cheesy grin crosses his face as he strips out of the underwear and stands completely naked.

  “Your turn,” he teases as he lies above my body and tickles me, his cock dangling against my skin.

  “You’re so crazy,” I snigger.

  “About you!”

  There is magic in the night when pumpkins glow by Moonlight.

  Never a fan of the horrors, the dark and dreary nights with monsters, princesses, and ghosts, the kids trick or treating in the neighborhoods, the adult parties all dressed in silly costumes, it was never anything I looked forward to year after year. Bennett on the other hand is a lover of dressing up on Halloween while I just want to pretend the day doesn’t exist. Browsing through old nearly ripped clothing at the thrift shop Bennett is in full imagination mode and I can’t wait to just ignore the day away.

  “This right here, we could be black swan, white swan,” he jokes.

  “Are you sure you’re a man?” I tease looking at the very feminine costume. “You don
’t plan on going as a couple or something, do you? This isn’t going to be a Sonny and Cher thing, is it?” a disgusted look crosses my face as I observe the dust in the room

  “Why not? We could be the next big thing,” he leaves me behind as he fumbles through some more clothes. “Bonnie and Clyde?” he shouts from the other end of the room, “Wilma and Fred?” he continues to throw out ideas as I apologize to other customers, “Bacon and Eggs,” he holds up and old Halloween costume.

  “Okay, you’re done,” I drag him away from costumes and old clothes, “we need to go,” I announce and he tries to argue with other ideas. “If we can go now and pretend this didn’t happen, then I’ll be anything you want to be for Halloween,” I reason with him as we finally leave the thrift shop, something I’ve been looking forward to from the moment we entered in the first place.

  “I have the perfect idea,” he murmurs as we drive off.

  Cassie is as much of a fanatic about Halloween as Bennett and together they are driving me bat shit crazy. She’s bought all the decorations, we’ve invited friends to join us at the apartment for a party, and I’m not even sure what’s going to happen, except I plan to get drunk and just ignore it’s Halloween.

  The ghoul and gruesome music plays, the neon lights blink, the candy bowl for trick or treaters is filled, the booze is proudly presented on the dining room table, and the friends are starting to show up. Bennett reveals our costumes and I’m shocked.

  “You’re crazy,” I cover my mouth.

  “You’re the most beautiful girl, I am crazy,” he smiles as he hands me my costume. He’s already dressed in his jeans, a black t-shirt, covered by the Rydell High Letter, looking the part. I doubt I can match him.

  “Don’t forget the wig,” he hands me the blonde wig making me even more nervous.

  “Oh shit,” I mumble as I make way to the bathroom and get ready. “Fuck,” I mumble under my breath as I pull on the black leather pants, showing off every curve and every fat roll that exists on my body. The red high heels definitely steal the show and the blonde wig puts it all together.

  “Let me introduce you to the best dressed couple of the night, Sandy and Danny from Grease,” Cassie shouts from the bottom of the stairs as Bennett and I walk down holding hands.

  “I can’t believe you made me wear this,” I nudge him as he just laughs,

  “You look fucking hot. I can’t wait to undress you later,” he licks my earlobe as we make it down the stairs, all eyes on us.

  One white Russian to get the party started. A dance with my man, a few stops at the door as the neighbor kids and even adults knock for some candy, the friends cheer and dance.

  Another white Russian as Cassie and I sing at the top of our lungs the words, “I’m a motherfucking woman, baby, that’s right, I’m just having fun with my ladies here tonight,” and cheer each other on. We’re swaying – she’s dressed as a playboy bunny shaking her little bun.

  Another white Russian, my confidence level has risen and I’m flirting with Bennett in a way I’ve never flirted before. I’m all over him; he’s having to hold me up as I continue to fall into his arms reminding him how much I love him. I’m feeling wild and sexy.

  “You’re a little tipsy,” Bennett teases as I fall into his arms staring into his eyes.

  “And you are the most gorgeous man I’ve ever dated or envisioned dating.” I want to spend forever with him.

  The last white Russian, I think. I’ve taken off my heels, tiptoeing through the apartment to the sound of music in the background following every beat. I thud along as if I’m part of the music. Allowing my moves to persuade anyone into dancing with me. Letting loose and dancing with Cassie’s fiancé and some of their male friends. I’m too drunk to realize most of them are gay.

  “Babe, I think it’s time to go to bed,” Bennett pulls me aside as I refuse.

  “But, but, can’t you feel the music?” I grind up to him.

  “I do, I think we should take advantage of the night before it’s too late,” he tries to convince me.

  “Oh, in other words, you want to fuck me while it’s still Halloween,” I say noticing it’s nearly midnight.

  As we head up the stairs ready for the night to be over and I can finally squeeze out of these leather pants – I might just have him rip them off me – I hear Cassie gasp and call,

  “Jenna. Bennett.”

  Cassie has a shocked look on her face, we walk back down annoyed and are as shocked as she is.

  “Why are you here?” I ask Noah as he stands by the door with a bag expecting candy.

  “I needed to see for myself. You hate Halloween. How are you participating in something you despise? We used to watch old movies and ignore this day or anyone that would show up at the door. Yet, here you are dressed in a costume and having a good time.”

  His words shock me to my core. His audacity to show up at my house and mock me blows my mind. “Just go,” I try to walk my drunk ass away before something dramatic happens.

  “That’s all you got? I did it because I love you,” and I can’t contain myself.

  “Because you love me? You betrayed me? I’m too drunk to deal with you,” I try to walk away again when I feel his hands on my arm and I shift with anger,

  “Don’t you touch her,” Bennett inserts as I push him aside and punch Noah. Yes. I punched him. I built a fist, I summed up the courage, and I leaned in far enough to leave a bruise with a hard hit. He stood frozen. I smiled full of pride. He got what he deserved. I’m not the violent type. I’m not the angry type. Noah however, has brought out parts of me I never want to see again.

  “Now go,” I walk away never looking back. I hear voices I choose to ignore. I hear an argument I choose to also ignore as I pour me another white Russian. Fuck it all. Fuck the guy that came back from the dead trying to win back a heart he broke in the first place. Fuck the guy that thinks you can’t change for the better after he broke your heart. Fuck the guy that thinks you should return to him when you’ve found love for someone new, someone better, someone more deserving. Fuck. The. Guy. And then actually fuck the guy that you decide will be yours forever.

  WHITE RUSSIAN

  1 ½ oz coffee liqueur, 1 oz vodka

  1 oz fresh cream

  Pour coffee liqueur and vodka into old-fashioned glass filled with ice. Float fresh cream on top and stir slowly.

  Holidays come and go. Thanksgiving was yesterday, Black Friday is today. Is it considered a holiday when people storm to the store to get the latest deal? Amongst a crowd of people, Cassie and I sit before the local electronics’ store waiting for our chance to get our hands on the newest gadgets for half the price. I know it sounds crazy. I know we shouldn’t be so materialistic the day after Thanksgiving, especially since we were more than thankful for what we already have – a girl can’t get enough. Cassie and I can never get enough since we do this every single year. Bennett is at home sleeping off all the turkey he ate the day before and I’m out shopping at four a.m. It’s a blast to be here with Cassie singing to our favorite pop songs in the car while we wait.

  “I still can’t get over how you punched Noah,” she laughs in between the song.

  “He deserved it,” I dance to the music.

  “Not saying he doesn’t, I just didn’t expect such a punch out of you,” she turns the music down to listen to me.

  “I know, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Girl, he has hurt me so much more over the last few months than he ever did in all that time we were together.”

  “A relationship shouldn’t have any hurt,” she reminds me.

  “And a non-relationship shouldn’t either if you try to make amends,” I voice. “I know it’s not easy for him, he’s having to watch me continue after he probably expected me to sit and wait for him not knowing he wasn’t dead. Do you know what I mean? He’s sitting there thinking I will be miserable forever after losing him, not once thinking maybe someone could come in and swoop me off my feet. And then I guess he though
t I would go back to him after he returns from the dead. Maybe he thought I would really drop everything, run into his arms, and forgive all. I know he must’ve gone crazy knowing I was moving on and then having to break his silence and try to fix it all by blowing their cover early. Only, it backfired on him. I didn’t give him that second chance. I didn’t believe in him. I gave up on us. I’m okay with that. He’s not.”

  “Hmmm,” she agrees with everything I’ve just said, “So, I met a guy and had to end the engagement with Jonny.” Nice change of subject.

  “Oh really? What happened? I thought you and Jonny were doing good? Tell me about him.”

  “He’s soooooo handsome. He wears this cologne you could smell from a mile away and know exactly it’s him. He’s blonde, which is odd for me since I don’t like blondes. I met him at a coffee shop, just ran into him and I gave him my number, just like that,” she rambles, “He smokes, which isn’t the greatest attribute, but it looks mighty fucking sexy on him. I have yet to see him naked though, but I can imagine the pack he stores under his shirt.”

  “Cassie?”

  “Yeah?”

  “What’s this guy’s name?” I stop her from rambling.

  “Logan! We’re going out tomorrow night, I can tell you all about it then. But now, let’s go shopping,” she swings open the car door and lets her brunette ponytail bounce.

  Cassie has been engaged to a gay man, only because it was to benefit his career as a hockey player. He wasn’t ready to spill his deep secrets and needed a pretend girlfriend. Cassie just ended up being the perfect one. But her love life has been put on hold to support her friend. It’s nice to see she finally sees that true happiness isn’t just for one person – a pretend person. She deserves so much better.

  Jam-packed and frantic customers race through the store nearly beating each other up. There’s a turn here, there’s a turn there, and suddenly you’re face-to-face with their buggy. They don’t care. They run over and into your feet because that fifty-inch television is exactly what they came for. There are screams of excitement, disruptive angry screams, and overjoyed screams. In the middle of it all, Cassie and I are jumping for joy with the last Ninja mixer we were able to wrangle for the apartment. Someone tried to pull it out of Cassie’s hand, “You don’t want to do that, my friend here loves to punch people, she wouldn’t shy away from giving you a black eye,” she says through gritted teeth.