Because of Him_The Forgiveness Duo Read online

  “What do you want?” he appears annoyed, “No. Did you send a letter to Jenna? Well who the fuck else would? Like you don’t know what you wrote. Oh, remind you? What you did was a mistake. You can’t blame Jenna, we were having problems way before she came back into my life. Oh please, you’re just jealous. Because you said you would fight for me so I know it’s from you. Sure. Deny it. Josh is looking into it so I can prove it. Yes, Josh from the station,” he rolls his eyes, “just stop calling me. Stop sending threatening letters. Move on in your life. You already got the house, your car, just start fresh and find someone that will love you and give you exactly what you want.” He hangs up and pushes buttons on his phone, “I’m blocking her ass.” He says it with such ease as if it’s the most natural thing to do, “glad I never had kids with this woman.”

  Worried she might be even more upset after that phone call I jokingly say, “Should I get a gun?”

  “She’s all talk, you don’t have to worry,” he pulls me back into his arm as he sits back on the couch. We’re cuddled in each other’s arms, but it’s not enough for me. Wrapping myself into his embrace the feeling of want runs through my body. He’s seducing my soul with his eyes. The desire shows. Lips touch. Hands caress. Hair is being pulled. His lips suck my neck and the moan escaping my lips can’t be controlled. The heat intensifies. The air is filled with ecstasy. The aspiration grows. His hand wanders down my shirt while his lips tenderly kiss my neck, “is this okay?” he asks for confirmation. “Uh huh,” I mumble, enjoying the feeling and letting myself fall. His fingers unclasping my bra take me by surprise at how fast he can with only two fingers. Pulling my bra for easier access. His lips find their way to my nipples. He pinches them with his teeth. I can tell he’s testing my limits kissing his way to my breaking point, but he’ll soon find out my pain tolerance is pretty high. His eyes wait for my disapproval – he can wait. His moan when he notices just how much more I want and need turns me on. I beg for more. “Harder,” I demand as his lips press harder against me. “More,” I beg. His lips tenderly kiss my bellybutton, as I slide out of my own shirt. “Your turn,” I pull his head from my body and look at his clothes. Happily, he obliges as he pulls his teal polo shirt off revealing his six-pack and I nearly pass out. “Like what you see?” he notices my horny face. Placing his body on top of mine, my fingers find the zipper of his pants undoing it, but he stops me midway. Sighing I look at him with worry. “Slow down,” he asks as he kisses me before I have a chance to argue. “Bennett,” I whisper against his lips when he mumbles no, “Bennett,” I whisper again when he pulls back from my body, “I think I’m falling for you,” I say the words before we go even further. The biggest smile crosses his face as he leans back down on me and I can feel his erection against my thigh, “Jenna. I’m falling for you so hard,” and presses a hard kiss against me. Raising my arms above my head he enjoys every inch of my body with his lips. Uncontrollably I lie on the couch to his pleasure. Surprising me with his teeth he opens my pants, amazed with his skills I start to wiggle, “Don’t move,” he stresses, as he has to take one hand and maneuver my pants off my body. Helping him by taking my legs out of the jeans I’m now lying here in only my burgundy panties. “You’re so beautiful,” he admires my body. I’ve never wanted anyone more than I want him. I’ve never yearned for someone so hard. In agonizing pain, I lie here begging him with my eyes to fill me with his dick. He wants it. I want it. I don’t know what we’re waiting on. He’s enjoying driving me crazy and I can see it. Over and over I tell him to give me his dick, over and over he denies me. “I just want to pleasure you,” he voices. “You want to see me go crazy,” I joke as he agrees, “that too,” he laughs.

  Embarrassingly, Noah was and has been the only to ever see my body naked, to feel me, to fill me, to make me moan. Up until this point, I assumed I would be nervous, I would be scared, and perhaps even tell him to stop, but I couldn’t. It felt natural to be with him. I’m not shy. I’m not worried. I feel amazing with him and while he thrusts inside of me and fills me with his cum, I can’t believe I’ve never had anyone but Noah until this point. It’s a different feeling. There’s so much more love, more joy, more pleasure than I could’ve ever imagined. It feels so right, yet so wrong. And after it’s all done, we’re both filled and exhausted, Bennett holds me tight knowing the feelings I might be feeling are of guilt. They aren’t though. I’m pleasured in a way I’ve longed for in such a long time.

  “Damn,” I try to catch my breath as we’ve fallen onto the hardwood floor.

  “You’re a wild one,” he smiles.

  “Me? What about you?” he helps me off the floor as he wraps our naked bodies into a blanket and we cuddle on the sofa.

  “I had to make sure I can keep up with you,” he teases.

  Blissfully we fall asleep on the couch wrapped in each other’s arms. I feel safe, protected, and ready to conquer the world with him by my side. All the pain I suffered, all the pain I had to fight through led me to this exact moment. To be wrapped in someone’s arms with the harmonious feeling of finally being exactly where I want to be. He fills the void I had in my heart. He gave me a chance. He was patient when he didn’t have to be. He loves me. How I know all this? I feel it where I’ve never felt anything before. The love I felt for Noah was never this strong, not even on the best of days.

  Shattered windows, vandalized bleachers, an overgrown outfield, and a slowly decaying ballpark are all that’s left from Greer Stadium that once entertained the community. It’s no longer occupied but when you walk around the bleachers, you can feel the presence of many fans cheering on their team. If you were to see black and white images of this abandoned ballpark, you would think it’s a setting in a horror movie. You’d be mortified even in the daylight. Yet, here I am walking around trying to process such a great view. The guitar shaped scoreboard still sits proudly. The grass has faded to an indescribable color I can’t seem to figure out. The famous sponsor banners have disappeared, but Firestone and Coke Zero still proudly show on the scoreboard right above the clock.

  The Nashville Sounds are a Minor League baseball team. They are located directly in the city and the unique name stems from the city’s association with the music industry. Locals are their biggest fans.

  “Check this out,” Bennett had accompanied me yet again due to us sharing the love for abandoned things. One of the many hobbies we share.

  “What’d you find?” I’m curious as I see him huddled down under the bleachers.

  “A bottle,” he jumps out at me and scares the shit out of me.

  “Shit,” I scream, “all that for a bottle?”

  “Dude, this is an old bottle, the ones the fans would drink out of, here smell it,” he leans in towards me to mess with me.

  “Jerk,” I roll my eyes as I continue to write my notes.

  “Hey, have you heard about the abandoned amusement park in Louisiana?” he follows me around as I note every little detail.

  “Of course. The one that was destroyed by Hurricane Katrina? Can you believe that place is still abandoned, just left everything and never looked back? I wonder what it looks like now.”

  “Right? We need to go,” so often he says things out of the blue.

  “Yeah, okay Mr. Fireman,” I laugh and tease him.

  “I’m serious. We should go,” he grabs me to get my full attention.

  “You’re serious?” I’m shocked.

  “Fuck yeah, and I want you to go with me. That would be one hell of a story,” he points at my notes.

  “You do know my magazine is Nash & Go?”

  “Go. Go as in Go Anywhere. Go to Louisiana. Go to any abandoned place in the world. Go could be anywhere, babe.”

  “You got me there,” I admit.

  Our relationship has progressed. We’ve been spending days and nights he’s not working together. He has his job, I have mine, and in the middle, we find each other. It’s the perfect relationship. We haven’t heard from Sabrina, there haven’t bee
n letters, notes, or any sort of phone calls. I hadn’t seen the person in the black hoodie but I do keep my eyes open. Often, I think someone will be there when I least expect it, but those are usually the times I’m on a FaceTime call with Bennett and make sure he’s aware if something were to happen. I know it might be a little paranoid to have him on the line, but you never know. I’d rather be prepared.

  In the past month we’ve made more love than I can count. And it’s never the same. The biggest love I have for this relationship is the fact we only say we love each other when it’s a memorable moment. We don’t throw the words around just because we have to, or should, or we part from each other. We say the words I love you only when it’s a special moment to cherish the words. He knows I care for him just like I’ll always know he cares for me, it’s just more special to share the actual words that way.

  Sitting behind my desk I hear silence coming from the main area. Usually the sounds of the secretary I have hired echo into my office, but today its complete silence. Cassie hadn’t made a peep and nervously I strut out of my office to take a look around. Nothing seems out of the ordinary. Everyone is secluded into their own work choosing to ignore anything around them and keeping to themselves. Smiling and admiring the company I’ve created I step back into my office and behind my desk. A male voice clears their throat as I sit down and before I look up I find myself just asking, “What can I do for you?” a sentence I’ve gotten so used to saying the past few months. It’s natural. Without concern and the smile still plastered on my face I look up and feel that same smile I just happily spread, fade away. I have no words and feel my world suddenly fall to a million pieces.

  “Let me explain,” he says as if it’s only normal.

  Seven month of agonizing pain I survived. Seven months of moving forward. Seven months of trying to find a way to go on with my life. Seven months and a new relationship with someone I fell hard for. Seven months of lies.

  Standing up from my chair I stare him straight in the eyes. Sitting back down in my black leather desk chair I continue to stare at him. Up and down unsure which position would be best to hear the biggest excuse of my life. There’s not an excuse big enough to hear what he has to say. There’s not an excuse big enough to make it all realistic. Not an excuse big enough to explain the past seven months of my life.

  “You’re kidding, right?” I scream to the universe, “this is a dream, right? Wake up Jenna, because this can’t be reality.” Tears stream down my face trying to wrap my mind around how the hell Noah is standing in my office. Why a dead man has risen from the ground and is standing in my office. A dead man’s body had burnt in a house fire, yet here he stands, free and alive as ever.

  Pinching myself to wake from this strange dream I realize, I’m already awake.

  “Let me explain,” he repeats as he sits in the chair across from my desk.

  “Get out,” my eyes never leaving his.

  “Please, I need to tell you what’s been going on.”

  “Get the fuck out,” my voice stern and louder. “Get the fuck out of my office and don’t you come back. I never want to see you again. You’re dead. Remember? You’re dead. YOU. ARE. DEAD.” I shout.

  He doesn’t move, just sits and stares at me with concern in his eyes.

  “Did you see me? Did you see my cry watching my world fall apart? Were you around the corner amused or were you stunned how I would react? Was it a game to you? Were you trying to get rid of me? But you couldn’t just break it off like any normal human being? Did you have to fake your fucking death? Was our relationship such a burden?” Feelings rush through me as I can’t hold the anger back.

  “That’s not it, Jenna. Let me explain.”

  “You know what, no, I don’t want your explanation. Shove it up your ass, get the fuck out.”

  Cassie walks into my office wondering why I’m furious. She doesn’t see him right away, only his back, and gives me the look of disgust as I look around the room angered. “Is everything alright?” she asks, but once she is eye-to-eye with Noah she’s as shell-shocked as I was. “Is this a joke?” she looks around waiting for something to happen.

  “It appears so, can you make sure he leaves,” I get up from behind my desk and walk towards the door when I feel his hands on my arm, “Don’t touch me,” I shout with tears streaming down my face.

  Locked into the bathroom stall I contemplate ever leaving this room. There’s enough room for a pillow to be placed on the toilet seat, Cassie can push food under the door and I can live in here forever. I won’t have to face the ugly truth of the world and never have to worry about who I trust and give my heart to.

  “Jenna?” I hear a faint whisper

  “Yeah,” I sniffle.

  Cassie’s reflection slides against the door of the other side and for a while it’s silent. She’s letting me cry it out. It was supposed to get easier. All this pain was supposed to be gone by now. No more tears were supposed to be wasted for Noah. I was over it. I was moving on.

  “I can’t believe it, Cassie,” I sigh.

  “I can’t either,” she sighs right along with me. “What did he say, did he have an explanation? No one just rises from the dead and walks into an office like nothing happened.”

  “I didn’t give him a chance to explain,” I huff.

  “Maybe we should go home,” she slides her hand towards me in the crack under the door.

  “I’m not leaving here, this is my new home,” I say as she seems to think I’m joking.

  “Honey, you can’t live in the bathroom stall.”

  “Wanna bet?” I snicker.

  The tiles on the floor are starting to cool my butt cheeks and for a minute I consider she might be right, I can’t live in here. Debating on getting up I hear another sound on the other side of the door as footsteps approach.

  “Jenna?” Bennett’s voice fills the room.

  I don’t answer him.

  “Jenna, open up, let me in,” he asks but I ignore him, my feelings are scattered. “Fine!”

  As I think he left me I suddenly look up and see his face staring down at me.

  “What are you doing?” I watch him try to climb over the stalls.

  “I’m coming down,” I stand up and stop him.

  “Don’t, you’ll hurt yourself,” I unlock the door and see no one but he and I are in the room.

  “Cassie called me, she told me everything,” his arms wrap around me as I cry into his chest.

  He seems quiet, un-rattled, as if he expected this.

  “Did you know?” I ask looking into his beautiful blue eyes.

  “Know what?” he looks concerned and sincerely confused.

  “About Noah. That he didn’t die?” I stutter and snort.

  “Here, let’s get you a tissue,” he hands me a piece of toilet paper as I try to clean my nose. “I had no idea, I thought Cassie was joking. I still don’t believe it,” he shrugs.

  “He said he has a perfectly good reason, but Bennett, there’s not a good enough reason to lie to me like that. You don’t just fake your death for a good reason. You don’t break someone’s heart and have a good enough reason,” I find myself hyperventilating. “Take me home,” I fall apart.

  Weak and cold I wake from a sleep that felt like light years. Looking around I see the ceiling I always see when I first wake. The five wooden beams going across that I wonder every morning if I should hang something on. White lights to shine down when I wake up. To my left a note I’m afraid to read. To my right, a blanket to wrap in for comfort. I’ve been through so much that a blanket seems to be the only thing that can ever comfort me, to keep me sane. It’s silly, but it’s me.

  Slowly I sit up and take a deep breath wondering if anything that had happened was just a dream.

  “Oh good, you’re awake,” Bennett sits next to me on bed, “how you feeling?”

  “Confused,” I admit as Cassie hands me a cup of tea.

  “Drink this,” she demands.

 
“I guess it wasn’t a dream.”

  Both look down with sadness and shake their heads in shame.

  “Well shit,” I sigh as they smirk.

  “I’ll leave you two,” she walks out as Bennett cuddles closer to me.

  “Truth?”

  Those words worry me, “please!”

  “I had no idea. Remember when you asked if I was one of the firefighters that carried him out? I told you they were from a different firehouse. That’s true. But what I found out today was, they were undercover police pretending to be firemen. The house was a staged fire.”

  “What?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

  “I’m sure Noah has more of an explanation, but that’s all I know,” he hugs me tight.

  “Bennett?” I sigh.

  “Yeah?” I feel him sliding away.

  “Please don’t leave me alone.” He’s the only one I can lean on right now.

  “I won’t dream of it,” he kisses my forehead. A gesture, which means more to me than any intimate kiss on the lips ever could.

  “I will have to listen to him, won’t I?” I hold onto the cup of tea.

  “Give him the benefit of the doubt,” his opinion means more to me than he’ll ever know.

  “You’ll have to be there with me.”

  “You sure you want me there?”

  “Definitely!” I kiss his lips.

  A couple hours later Noah is sitting on the sofa in the apartment I now share with my best friend Cassie. Sitting on the exact sofa that I cried my eyes out on thinking he was dead and gone from my life forever. On the sofa I made love to Bennett for the first time. On the sofa that had felt more emotions by me than any furniture piece might ever.

  Close but with good enough distance between us Bennett and I each sit in a dining chair waiting for his explanation. His shocked face showed he wasn’t expecting Bennett to be part of any of this and I’m sure there will be questions.